You’ve been trying to conceive for months with no success. You want a baby in the worst way.
Due to the frustration of not being pregnant yet, you don’t care about anything but getting pregnant, including your relationship.
Does this sound familiar to you? While you may not have realized it, fertility issues can have a significant effect on your relationship – a negative one.
How Infertility Causes Problems in Your Relationship
According to Alex Wise a relationship expert and co-founder of Loveawake dating site, “the best way to realize the type of damage infertility has on your relationship is by taking a step back from your relationship to see what it is doing”. Here are some of the problems many couples encounter when they deal with infertility.
You Resent Your Partner
Your partner may want a baby as much as you do but he seems to be much calmer about the whole situation. This makes you mad because he should be as crippled by the inability to conceive as you.
Sex Is Only About Conceiving
Before, you and your partner had sex because you loved each other, wanted to be close to one another and enjoyed the intimacy. Now, it’s all about making a baby. You might have even said, “Okay, I am ovulating, let’s go.” Some couples don’t even want to have sex when they aren’t ovulating because they have lost the true meaning behind it.
You’re Mad All the Time
You are mad at the world because you have done everything you have been told to do and it’s just not working. This frustration can turn you into a walking monster who no one wants to be around, including your partner. This may have caused distance between you and him in your relationship.
All You Can Talk About Is Conceiving
Before trying to conceive, you may have discussed your hopes, dreams and anything going on in your life. You and your partner connected this way. However, now you’re so focused on having a baby and that is all you can think about talking about. This can become overwhelming for your partner, as he may not want to talk about it all the time. This can cause you and your partner to feel disconnected.
You’re Depressed and Nothing Helps
You may be feeling depressed over the infertility and as much as your partner tries to help you feel better, it’s not working. This may make your partner feel as though he is inadequate, which can contribute to the disconnection and distance you may feel in your relationship.
How to Solve Relationship Issues Due to Infertility
Alex Wise says: “You don’t have to compromise your relationship when dealing with infertility. Now that you know what could be causing the problems between you and your partner, you can start to work on it.”
It’s okay to talk about your feelings and thoughts on the infertility, but try not to talk about it continuously with your partner. It may be helpful to start a journal to release the tension inside of you from the infertility. You might also want to consider seeing a counselor to talk about it.
Consider Your Partner’s Anguish
While you have been thinking so much about the infertility and how it’s affected you, start to think about how it affects your partner and how he is dealing with it. Take a break from yourself and ask your partner how he is feeling and if he needs any help from you.
Everyone Deals Differently
Just because your partner may not be feeling as much grief from infertility as you do, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have a baby. Everyone deals with grief differently, so try to be understanding when he doesn’t seem as upset over it.
Take a Break from Baby Making
Sex needs to be reintroduced into your relationship. It should be redefined as not only a baby making activity but an expression of love as well. You may want to take a break for just a month with trying to conceive and return back to having intimate sex with your partner.